


Have You Met Ed?

by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dom Roy, Dom/sub, Multi, POV Multiple, Post-Canon, Romantic Comedy, basically?, kink club au, like slow for the length of the fic I guess, slowish burn, sub ed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22582783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Bell/pseuds/EllaBesmirched
Summary: When Ed and Winry decide to open their marriage, Winry enlists Roy's help to get Ed out of the house. Roy has his work cut out for him. Ed has no idea how to talk to women who aren't Winry.After a series of failed bar excursions, Roy decides as a last ditch effort to take Ed to Roy and Riza's favorite kink club. He tells himself that if Ed can't find a date here, they might as well just stop trying.But Roy doesn't expect Ed to take such an interest in what goes on behind club doors, and he expects even less for Ed's interest to piss him off as much as it does. If only Roy could figure out why seeing Ed with other Doms is so goddamn frustrating...
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang, Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 31
Kudos: 120





	Have You Met Ed?

**Author's Note:**

> So full disclosure it's only Wednesday and I've already had enough of this week. I'm in need of a pick-me-up so I hope this light-hearted foray into RoyEd interests... honestly anyone at all. :) Working on it has definitely cheered me up ^^

Something was wrong with the Elrics. That much was, unfortunately, painfully clear. 

It had been some time since Roy had seen Ed and Winry— nearly six months if his count was correct— but if he knew Edward and Winry— and he liked to think he did— then this was simply _not right._

They were… smiling too much. Being far too nice to each other. 

“Uh oh,” Riza said, smiling down at the fat blonde bubble on her lap. 

Winry whirled immediately from the stove, eyes snapping to Ed instead of Riza. 

“Got it!” Ed said brightly. He swept Trisha from Riza’s hands without another word, cooing and smiling at her while Yuriy clung to Ed’s pant leg. Ed for his part, seemed very adept at moving around the house with a two year old hanging onto him and didn’t stumble as he whisked Trisha away to have her diaper changed. 

All it all, it was the absolute picture of domestic bliss; Ed and Winry seemed to be getting along, and seemed to have this whole parenting thing down to an art. 

Something was _wrong._

Roy looked at Riza and raised his brows. When Winry wasn’t looking, Riza pulled a face. Good. So Roy wasn’t the only one that noticed it then. 

The women made small talk while Winry finished the dinner she’d been working on. It was all typical, mostly boring stuff. Who’d been promoted, who was engaged, how Riza was doing. Roy only tuned in briefly to hear about what Al was getting up to. He’d be back in Central soon, Winry said. Probably within the next month or two. That was good. Maybe having Al around to help out with the children would snap Winry and Ed out of whatever strange storybook they were pretending to live in. 

“See?” Ed said loudly from the doorway, appearing again with his daughter in his arms and his son in tow. “All better.” 

Trisha giggled in response. 

Winry looked over her shoulder with a fond smile. Riza plucked Trisha out of Ed’s hands again, and Ed plopped back down in his chair. 

“Still shy?” he asked, peering down at Yuriy. “You don’t have to be scared of the colonel. He’s harmless.”

It was instantaneous. Roy went from mild interest mixed with concern and barreled straight into the particular kind of simmering fury that only Ed could produce in him. His jaw slid briefly. _Harmless._

“General, Fullmetal,” Roy replied mildly. 

The fact that Ed didn’t counter with something incredibly snarky about how he wasn’t ‘Fullmetal’ anymore truly sealed it for Roy: all was not well in the Elric household. 

Dinner was lovely. For a toddler and an infant, the Elric children were incredibly well behaved, and the third kid had been sick all week so he was still sleeping upstairs. Roy apparently scared hell out of little Yuriy but since Roy didn’t particularly like children and would never admit he had a soft spot for Ed’s, he wasn’t exactly offended. He assumed kids were like cats— they could probably tell when they made a man uncomfortable. 

Winry and Ed didn’t say one cross word to each other. _Not one._

Riza shivered the second the door closed behind them. Roy met her eyes and nodded once. 

“Do you think they’re just… trying not to bicker in front of the children?” Riza guessed. 

“Please,” Roy muttered. 

“Yes,” Riza agreed. “Well. I’m having lunch with Winry next week. Maybe we should have a bit of a chat.” 

Roy frowned to himself. “Yes. Do.” It wasn’t his job anymore to make sure Fullmetal didn’t fuck up his life, but. Well. Old habits died hard. 

*

Winry hugged her when she walked through the door. She was looking a little flustered, and had oil on her cheek, a wrench in one hand, and Maes in the other. 

“Is he feeling better?” Riza asked with a smile, putting her fingers to the wide-eyed baby’s chest. 

“Much,” Winry said with a put upon sigh. “He’s decided it’s the end of the world every time Mommy puts him down for more than three seconds. Kid’s got Ed’s lungs.” 

Riza chuckled. “This is why I leave the mothering to you,” she informed Winry. Maes looked at Riza and she pulled a cheerful face that made him grin, all big blue eyes and pink cheeks. He looked nothing like his namesake, but Riza was a little thankful for that. She wasn’t sure Roy could handle it if he’d had even the slightest coincidental resemblance.

“Let’s go to Auntie Riza, yeah, baby?” Winry said to her infant. “Would you mind? The nanny’s got Trisha and Yuriy, and I just need to check—”

Riza did as asked, whisking Maes away, but he started to fuss the second Winry was out of sight. Riza bounced him, cooed at him, but the moment he started to scream in earnest, Ed appeared in the doorway. He had ink on his hands and he looked a little bleary eyed, like he’d been staring at a book too long. 

“Hey, Hawkeye,” he said brightly. “Want me to take that?” 

Riza gratefully handed the wailing baby over. He settled down a bit once Ed had a hold of him. 

“Yeah, see? There’s my little man.” He lifted his head and met Riza’s eyes. “You ladies have anything fun planned?” 

“Just lunch,” Riza answered. The smile Ed regarded her with, and the one she returned, felt strange. Forced. Too _polite._

“Good,” Ed said brightly. “She needs a little break. You know with grown ups,” Ed answered, lowering his voice into a conspiratorial whisper. 

And Riza had a moment. 

She’d watched Edward and Winry grow up over the last ten years. Watched them slowly shift from calling her by her title to using her name, to looking around rooms not as precocious children struggling to maintain an air of maturity they shouldn’t rightly have, but as actual adults. Equals. Or. As close as they could get. It was hard to think of anyone as Edward Elric’s equal. He was like Roy that way. 

And now here he was. Being the father he never had. And he was so _good_ at it. 

It made Riza’s head swim. 

“We could both use a little girl time,” Riza replied, using the inane platitude to cover up the the strange wistfulness that had swelled in her head. She’d hoped so terribly to see this day; sometimes it still felt strange that the happy ending they’d all worked so hard to find was actually coming to pass. 

Or. Well. Almost. 

Winry appeared in the opposite doorway and the second he saw her, Maes started reaching for her. 

“No, no, Mommy’s gotta go for a little while,” Ed told him. “She’ll be back later.” 

As if he actually understood, Maes’ little face crinkled up. 

“He needs a nap,” Winry informed Ed curtly. “Trisha’s already down.” 

“Got it,” Ed said. He nodded once to Riza, kissed Winry on the cheek, and swept Maes away. 

Winry breathed a sigh of relief when they were gone. 

Riza couldn’t blame her. One infant was hard enough, but _twins?_

They moved through the usual things as they ate— Maes and Trisha were really close to talking now, Winry was sure of it. And Yuriy was sleeping in his own bed again after the _trauma_ of losing his mother to the hospital and the babies for a whole week. But every time the conversation approached Ed, Winry frowned, looking a little distant, and started talking about the children again, or about Al and the very detailed letters he sent at least once a week. 

The third time it happened, Riza said, “Winry. Is. Is everything. _Alright_ with you and Edward?” 

Winry frowned. “What do you mean?” she tried. But Riza knew her well enough to know she was just stalling. 

“You two just seem a little… different lately is all.”

“Different how?” Winry pressed. 

Riza smiled at her. “You didn’t say a cross word to each other last week at dinner. In the Elric household, that’s a red flag.” 

Winry groaned suddenly and dropped her head into her hands. For a moment, Riza actually thought she was _crying_ and she reached out to pat her, but before she could, Winry lifted her head, eyes crackling, and said, “He’s impossible, Riza.”

“He’s always been impossible,” Riza countered. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t… it’s sort of… complicated.” 

Riza smiled again. “I know complicated. Roy and I…”

“Oh, it’s nothing like that,” Winry said abruptly. “Ed’s never been great at hiding his feelings so he doesn’t even try with me anymore.” 

Riza blinked. “That’s um. Not what I… Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” 

Winry considered Riza with a very suspicious sort of look. “Do you promise you won’t tell anyone?” 

“Of course.” 

“Not even Roy?”

“Alright.” 

“And. And promise you won’t… think less of me for it,” she added, looking down at her plate, suddenly crestfallen. 

“Oh, Winry, don’t be ridiculous,” Riza said, sounding exactly like the mother hen the Elric children (and co) always seemed to bring out of her. Even now when they weren’t children anymore. 

“Well. I sort of…” 

Riza’s heart dropped into her stomach. Winry didn’t go on, and Riza finally pushed quietly. “Is there… Is there someone else?”

“How did you know?” 

Riza suddenly felt like her heart was breaking. Of all the possibilities she’d considered, this had not been one of them. Winry and Ed were crazy about each other. And with the children…

“Did Ed find out?”

“Well,” Winry said casually. “I told him.” 

Riza blinked. “You.” 

“Well, yeah,” Winry said. “I couldn’t go out with my—friend— without telling my husband now, could I?” 

Riza sat back in her chair. “Huh.” 

”I’m not a cheater,” Winry said with a tinkling little laugh, as if that was just the most _ridiculous_ thing. 

“And um. How did he. How did he take it?” 

Winry shrugged. “Fine.”

“Are you sure he. Um.” 

“And he’s been really great about staying home with the kids so we can go out, and we have dinner together all the time, and he really likes her—”

“ _Her.”_

Winry flushed. “Um. Well. Yeah. She’s sort of. I work with her. She’s brilliant with automail so we sort of. Hit it off.” 

Riza’s head was spinning. “Oh. Okay. Go. Go on.” 

“Anyway, they get along really well, and he loves keeping the kids while we go out, but every time _we_ try to stay in so _he_ can go have a little fun, he just _sulks._ He’s impossible, Riza, honestly, I don’t think he knows _how_ to talk to any women who aren’t me, or who he knew when he was in the military!”

“Hang on,” Riza said sharply. “I just. I need a minute.” 

“Sure,” Winry said brightly. She took a long swig of her drink. 

“So you’re saying. You. You and Edward. You have an open marriage?” 

Winry wrinkled her brows. “Is that what that’s called?” 

“And you’re bisexual.” 

“Oh! Yeah, I guess so,” she said thoughtfully. 

“And you want Edward to meet someone.” 

“Yeah, uh huh.” 

“And he…”

“Totally hopeless. Can’t flirt for shit.” 

“So that’s why you’re being so nice to each other?” Riza said finally, voice weak. 

“Ugh,” Winry growled. “That’s him. He’s trying to convince me he’s _fine,_ he’s _happy,_ he doesn’t mind at all, but. I think he gets lonely when I’m not around,” she said with a frown. “It’s not that I’m with someone else. It’s that I’m not with him. That he’s… _bored.”_

“I see,” Riza replied, eyes wide. 

“It’s just,” Winry said, “We’re _twenty five,_ you know? Ed spent his entire young life chasing after this promise that he made to Al, and then he and I… well. We’re he and I. So he never really had to learn how to talk to girls, you know? I just wish he’d…”

“Winry,” Riza said finally finding her voice again. “Are you telling me you want to get your husband laid?” 

Winry blushed. Smiled. And then said, “Basically. Yeah.” 

Riza felt a smirk twitching at the corners of her lips. “Because we can _absolutely_ do that.” 

Winry’s eyes got wide, and she leaned forward. “Tell me.” 

*

Roy’s office door clattered open and he sat up abruptly. No one barged into his office like that anymore. Not without knocking, not since Edward Elric had stopped cluttering up his desk with mountains of incident reports, not since his promotion. 

It surprised him even more to see that it was Riza, a confused but determined looking Winry in tow. His first thought was that something was wrong with Ed or Al or one of the children, but neither of them looked _upset…_

“Tell him,” Riza demanded, pushing the door closed behind them. 

Winry wrinkled her nose. “Ed would kill me.” 

“Winry,” Riza said reasonably. “If you want to… fix. This problem. _Trust_ me. Roy can help.” 

Roy sat back in his chair. 

“I thought all that stuff was just an act,” Winry countered. “I mean, aren’t you two…”

Riza raised her brows. 

Winry turned and looked at Roy and her mouth fell open a little. “ _Oh.”_

“I trust you’ll get to the point eventually?” Roy said a little testily. He couldn’t snap at Riza _or_ Winry the way he’d command any of his men. It was a little maddening. 

“Winry,” Riza said, and she _glared_ the way she glared at Roy when he was falling behind on his paperwork. 

“Oh, alright,” Winry sighed. 

The next five minutes were perhaps the absolute strangest Roy had experienced in years. 

“What are you telling me for?” Roy demanded a little weakly when Winry was through. 

Winry just looked at him. 

Roy looked at Riza. 

“Well,” Winry said slowly. “We were thinking. Maybe you could. You know. Help him?” 

Roy actually laughed. “You want me to teach Ed how to pick up women?” 

“Yeah, uh huh,” Winry said with a cheerful smile. 

“He’ll _never_ listen to me!” Roy protested. “Fullmetal hasn’t let me teach him a thing a day in his life.” 

“Well,” Winry said slowly. “Can’t you just… get him out of the house for a while? All he does since Al’s been gone is go to work and hole up in his study. Take him to a _bar.”_

Roy pinched the bridge of his nose. A night out drinking with Edward Elric sounded like a good way for one or both of them to end up on fire. 

It also surprised him a little to consider that they’d never actually done it before. He’d been Ed’s superior for so long, and then Ed had been adapting to civilian life, and then marriage, and then _children_ and—

Why _hadn’t_ he taken Fullmetal out for a drink? He was a man now wasn’t he? And they were… sort of friends. Intrinsically linked to one another and all that. It was sort of hard to extricate yourself from a man you’d faced down demons with. 

“Ed isn’t exactly easy to miss,” Roy pointed out. “Everyone knows the man who used to be the Fullmetal Alchemist married his automail mechanic and teaches at the university and has three screaming brats.” 

“Hey,” Winry said sharply. She gave Roy a look she had clearly learned from Riza. 

“If I take him out to a bar,” Roy said slowly. “People are going to _notice.”_

“So?” Winry said with a strange, open look on her face.

“Mrs. Elric,” Roy said _very_ pointedly. “Do you want it to be public rumor that you and your husband conduct… extramarital affairs?” 

Winry rolled her eyes. “Who would care?”

“The Central rumor mill is not to be underestimated,” Roy told her. 

“Oh, let them rumor then,” Winry said with a wave of her hand. “What do we care if people talk about us?”

So together, they came up with a plan. 

*

Winry had been gone much longer than expected. Ed’s right palm was starting to itch— it did that sometimes when he was bored or annoyed or just… _waiting._

He did a lot of waiting these days. A lot of slowing down, seeing the sky and the clouds and the grass and only having one singular way to touch it. The same way everyone else did. 

The kids helped. And Winry helped. There was never a silent moment when she was nearby, never a time for him to fall back into his own head and get lost in calculations and projections and the constant swirl of alchemical theory that had never actually gone away. 

Winry helped with that. And three babies helped with that. Helped enough that he was already ready for another, even though the twins were hardly eight months old. It was hard to think of _anything_ when you were up late at nights with an infant. He’d thought Winry was going to knock his head in when he brought it up. But it’s just that the kids were...

Welcome distractions. _Needed_ distractions. Especially with Al gone… at least when he was here Ed could use him to test some theories. Or. All his theories. All his theories that he couldn’t test anymore—

Trisha was fussing. 

He knew it was Trisha because Maes was sleeping through the night every night now and Trisha was the only one who needed to be rocked back to sleep every few hours. Of course, the nanny was still here. The nanny Winry had insisted upon because _she_ had work to do and _Ed_ had work to do and they could use a little help around the house so they could actually take a moment to _breathe_ when they were home instead of constantly running after a two year old who was already smarter than he had any right to be and two infants who were figuring out that if they screamed just right or threw the proper toy Daddy would come _running—_

Trisha was quiet again. 

Ed sighed and looked back down at his array. 

He was certain it would work. Of course it would. He’d done all the calculations, had foreseen ever possible outcome— except he couldn’t test it. Not alone. Not without Alphonse. 

And really, where _was_ Winry? She and Riza had left for lunch _hours_ ago. Ed and Katya had already fed and bathed the kids and put them down for the night. It was strange for Winry to be gone so long without calling. Although not _entirely_ out of character. Not strange enough that Ed should be worried at least. 

The front door opened without a knock and Ed stood without thinking. He needed a distraction, he needed his _wife—_

He stepped out of his study, blinking at the bright light in the hallway, and when he reached his living room he drew up short. 

It was much fuller than expected. 

“ _Edward!”_ Winry said so loudly that Ed held up his hands to tell her not to wake the babies, “ _Get dressed.”_

“I am dressed!” Ed said, too shocked to say anything else. “What are you all doing here?” 

Roy Mustang and his entire hand picked entourage stood in Ed’s living room looking very determined— or in the General’s case, incredibly bored. 

They weren’t wearing their uniforms, which was strange. They were staring at Ed with an incredibly focused sort of look that made Ed suspicious. 

“No,” Winry said, still too loudly. “Put on something _nice._ Take a shower. You have mashed peas in your hair.” 

Ed felt himself blush furiously and he raised his hand to his head. 

“What the hell are you up to, Winry?” 

Winry opened her mouth to respond, but then Roy interrupted her. His voice was pitched lower, quieter, calmer, and it cut through the room in that way that had irked Ed for years until he realized there were certain things better whispered than yelled. 

“It has come to my attention, Fullmetal,” Roy announced, somehow pompous and painfully casual all at once, “That we have never shared a drink.” 

Ed dropped his hand. He— Roy— “What?” He was wrong of course. Of course he’d had a drink with the Colonel— General, now, he corrected silently. Hadn’t he?

Ed looked past Roy to Riza— she was giving him the flat, no-asking-questions stare that she’d used to terrify him when he was a kid. It still did, if he was being honest. 

And then there was Roy’s men— Havoc, Feury, Falman, and Breda. Everyone except Falman was… _leering_ at him. 

This didn’t feel right. 

“Winry…”

“ _Go!”_

Fuck, Ed _hated_ it when she did this—

“You’re going to wake up the babies, Winry, stop _yelling!”_

_“You’re yelling!”_

“I’m _not—”_

Trisha screamed. Ed looked Winry in the eye and said, “ _See what you did?”_

_“Me?”_

“I can’t go anywhere,” Ed protested, looking at _Riza_ for some reason. “The kids—”

“You think I can’t handle my own babies without you, Edward Elric?” Winry demanded. 

“What? No, I—”

“Equivalent exchange!” she said suddenly, voice absolutely fierce and brandishing her finger in Ed’s face. Ed was just glad she didn’t have her wrench. “I had lunch with Riza, so you can go out for a drink with Roy.” 

“That’s not Equivalent Exchange!” Ed protested. “You _like_ Riza!” 

“You’re breaking my heart, Fullmetal,” Roy drawled. 

“Get out of my house!” Ed shouted, turning to face Roy and his crew instead of his wife. Honestly, Roy was easier to deal with. 

“Go take a shower!” Winry yelled again. 

At that exact moment, Katya appeared on the stairs looked flustered, a squalling Trisha in her arms, and said, “ _Mrs. Elric, please!”_

Winry lowered her voice into a loud stage whisper and said, “And now you’ve upset Katya!” 

Instead of answering, Ed shoved past Winry and took Trisha out of Katya’s arms. She gave Ed a disapproving sort of look, but then said softly, “You have peas in your hair, sir.” 

Wordlessly, he switched tracks and deposited Trisha into Winry’s arms. 

Maybe he could use a fucking drink after all. 

*

Trisha was making the rounds. Winry had passed her off to Riza, who got to smile and bounce the kid for about three seconds before Breda, who hadn’t met the twins yet, snatched her away. Then Havoc demanded a turn, then Feury, and finally she was handed off to Falman who actually _smiled_ for once before—

“I don’t want this,” Roy said testily, holding Trisha at arm’s length. She smiled at him and reached out with both of her little chubby hands and… well. She had Ed’s eyes didn’t she? The Elric children were all so blond they practically sparkled, and Maes and Yuriy had inherited Winry’s eye coloring, but Trisha absolutely looked the most like the two Elric boys. 

It was unsettling, in a way. 

“Don’t hold her like that,” Winry scolded. She put her hands on Roy’s arms and forced him to bring the kid closer to his chest at which point Trisha grabbed his lapels and shoved her whole face into Roy’s chest. She slobbered a lot, and jerked her head around like she was drunk. But. Alright, she was. Sort of. Adorable. 

Roy must have been making a face because when he looked up, everyone was staring at him with various expressions of amusement. Riza was the worst of all. She was looking at him with a soft, intimate sort of look he’d never seen her wear in public before. 

Riza didn’t want children. Neither did Roy. He just hopped seeing him hold the fat little pudge ball wasn’t giving her _ideas._

Everyone else started talking. The crew asked Winry all about the twins. Yuriy wandered down the stairs looking sleepy and before Winry could properly scold him, he’d crawled into Riza’s lap, blanket in tow, and leaned drowsily against her chest. 

Why did all the Elric children have to be so goddamn cute? It was hard to be annoyed by their dirty little hands and drooly faces when they had eyes the size of saucers and wanted to hug everyone. 

Ed appeared in the doorway. 

“Where’s my— hey, what’s he doing up?” he complained. 

And Roy just.... 

Stared. 

Ed was. 

He tousled his long wet hair with a white towel before he let it fall around his shoulders. His very bare, very broad shoulders. 

Roy blinked. 

“He wanted to know what all the fuss was about,” Winry said brightly. “Didn’t you, baby?” 

Yuriy cooed something that was almost unintelligible, but Ed seemed to understand all of it, because he said very firmly, “You need to go to bed, or you’re going to be miserable tomorrow.” 

“ _No,_ not!” Yuriy said forcefully, giving Ed a look that was… by god it was familiar. Roy had _seen_ it before. 

“You can stay up and talk with Mommy’s friends tonight,” Ed said slowly, “If you promise to be a big boy and take a nap tomorrow without fussing at Katya.” 

Yuriy considered him very seriously. “Tay.” 

Riza looked up at Ed with a slightly awed expression on her face. Ed didn’t seem to notice. He crossed the room to ruffle Yuriy’s hair a little absently, and then said to Winry, “What’d you do with my shirt.” 

Winry must have known which one he meant because she rolled her eyes and told him. Roy didn’t really hear what she said, because. Well. Ed had his back to Roy and his pants were sitting very low on his hips and he wasn’t wearing…

Riza cleared her throat. 

Ed lifted his head and looked at her, and then his eyes fell on Roy. “Geeze, Colonel, she’s not gonna explode.”

“General.”

“Yeah, whatever.” 

That muscle in Roy’s jaw slid again. Ed’s eyes flicked over his face, down to his hands, his feet, and back again and Roy had the distinct impression that whatever Ed was measuring, Roy had come up short. He’d never admit just how often Ed had given him that feeling over the years, or how much it annoyed him when he did. 

Ed just casually turned to go, but before he did, he glanced at Riza and said, “Make sure he doesn’t drop my baby, or I’ll have to kill him.” 

Roy felt, inexplicably, much more at ease once Ed was gone. He finally handed Trisha back to Falman who’d been hovering quietly nearby without actually expressing that he wanted to hold her again, and moved to sprawl on the couch beside Riza. Yuriy was telling her a story that she was listening to with rapt attention and the occasional, “Oh, really?” When Roy sat down he got a little quiet and looked at Roy suspiciously. 

“How’s it going, kid?” 

Yuriy wrinkled his little eyebrows and looked at Riza. 

Roy gave up. Kids just weren’t his thing. 

Instead, he stared at the door Ed had disappeared through, lost in confused thought, until he felt Riza’s eyes on him. She was watching him in that knowing, calculated sort of way that only she could. She knew every thought that went through his head, didn’t she? 

He actually blushed. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, and he decided to just head her off. “When did…”

“You’ve been preoccupied,” Riza answered back. “It happened years ago.” 

The fact was, Edward had grown up right under Roy’s nose. Oh sure, he’d known that Ed had gotten taller, that the angle of his jaw was sharper, and most of the idealistic innocence in his eyes had matured into something darker. Still idealistic, but not quite so innocent. But he’d…

Really it was just his _shoulders._ And his chest. And his arms. And his abdominals. 

The last time Roy had seen Ed shirtless he’d probably been recovering from some wound or injury, had had the thin, wiry musculature of an active teenager. But now, he…

When had the Fullmetal Alchemist become a man? 

Ed waltzed back into the living room, startling Roy a little, and said, “Alright let’s get this over with.” 

And Roy was overcome with the strangest dejavu he’d ever experienced. 

Ed generally wore his hair in a long ponytail— but tonight, perhaps because it was wet, he’d braided it. And he was wearing black pants and boots, a black shirt, with a red coat slung over his arm. 

There were small differences. No gloves. The cut of the shirt wasn’t the same and the coat was certainly a new one. No more pocket watch. 

But how many times had Ed waltzed into his office looking just like this? It was like Roy had somehow jumped through time, jumped back for just a moment. 

All the ways Ed was not at all the same stood out in even sharper relief now. 

What was he getting himself into?

Apparently, a whole fucking lot. 

Roy picked a good bar. It was popular, but not _too_ popular. The demographic skewed just a hair too young for him, so it should have been perfect for Ed. And he knew the owner because she went to his regular haunt when she wasn’t running things here. 

It should have been _perfect._

They hadn’t been sitting for ten minutes and hadn’t had more than one shot each when someone tapped Ed on the shoulder and said, “ _Professor Elric?”_

Ed blinked and twisted in his seat and then smiled in that distinctly _Ed_ way and said, “Oh, hi! Layla, right?” 

The girl in question, a gorgeous dark haired little thing with enormous black eyes and skin like warm amber, nodded and fluttered her long lashes and said, “Mhmm!”

Roy exchanged glances with the person sitting nearest to him, who happened to be Breda. 

Ed said something cheerful that Roy missed, and then ‘Layla’s’ eyes jumped up to the table and flicked around once before landing on Roy and getting even more enormous. Ed was introducing everyone at the table, listing off names, and then he pointed to Roy and said, “And that’s Colonel Mustang—”

“The _Flame_ Alchemist!” Layla interrupted. 

“It’s _general,_ Fullmetal,” Roy grit out without fully meaning too. He knew Ed was just doing it to piss him off. Could anyone really blame him to see it was working? 

Roy was too busy being annoyed to catch what was said next. Something about his reputation, something about Ed’s. Layla dragged Ed off to buy a drink, and Roy actually thought things might be going well for them. 

“Uh,” Feury muttered as they all watched Ed drawn away. “She’s um. That’s one of his students.” 

They all looked at him. 

“I mean. We really shouldn’t let him. With a _student.”_

Roy shrugged. “They’re adults. He’s not much older than she is.”

“Yeah, but General,” Breda muttered. “He could get in trouble.” And then he added with a wide eyed glance around the table, “His _wife…”_ He trailed off, unable to finish his thought. 

They had, however, nothing to worry about. 

Roy watched Layla _throw_ herself at Ed. Then he watched two other girls and a very pretty boy with red hair all try the same thing. An hour from the time they’d walked in the door, Ed was surrounded by a fan club who were grilling him about various rumors and adventures they’d heard. 

And he _didn’t notice._ He answered every question with the same bright smile, the same unkillable hint of a showman’s flare running through every answer he gave, and never even approached a solitary flirtation. 

After watching it for two hours, Roy put his head in his hands. 

Winry was right. This was going to require some _work._

“Fullmetal,” he said quietly, slipping in behind Ed when his little entourage was busy taking shots with each other and fighting over who was going to stand nearest to Ed, “You’re very _popular,_ aren’t you?” 

“Jealous, old man?” Ed demanded with an infuriating grin. 

Roy blinked. Took a steadying breath. “No. Actually, I wondered if you have any intentions with that cute little student of yours. Was it Layla?”

“Intentions?” Ed asked, furrowing his brows. “What are you talking about?”

Roy gave a very polished laugh, one he knew always got under Ed’s skin, and said, “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed her interest in you.” Ed would, of course, have to figure out how to drink on his own, but Roy didn’t mind _dragging_ him to the water. 

“I. What?” Ed blinked and looked around. Then he said, “She’s a student, you old perv.” 

Roy shrugged. “She’s not _my_ student.” 

Ed just stared at him opened mouthed. Roy watched the moment horrified understanding crawled into his expression. 

“ _Winry.”_

Well. 

Roy just raised his brows. 

“ _She. You.”_

“She was right,” Roy said mildly. “You need _help,_ Fullmetal.” 

“ _I do not!”_

“Alright,” Roy countered. “Prove it.” 

All the color drained from Ed’s face, but that was the only indication Roy got that he wasn’t one hundred percent eager to prove Roy wrong. His eyes were sparking; his teeth were bared. Edward Elric had never shied away from a challenge. 

Roy sipped his bourbon and just blinked. 

Ed hissed, “Bastard.’ 

“Too much for you, Fullmetal?”

“You _wish.”_

Roy bent at the waist, and extended his hand toward the bar. 

Ed wrinkled his nose, _growled,_ and leapt off his chair to stalk toward all the pretty twenty somethings clamoring for his attention. 

Except now he just looked angry, too determined, a little manic. 

Havoc appeared at Roy’s side and watched Ed laughing too hard at something Layla had said which was making her look at her friend in alarmed confusion. 

“He’s even worse at this than I am,” Havoc muttered. 

Roy shook his head, awed in spite of himself. “He really is.” 

An hour after that, Roy deposited a very drunk and very pissed off Ed onto his sofa where Winry sat, looking exasperated. 

“I thought you said you could _help.”_

“Can’t believe you _talk_ to him, talk to, _fucking,_ Win— you, _shit—”_

Winry blinked at Ed and then glared up at Roy. 

“This is going to take more work than I thought,” Roy admitted. Riza, who’d stayed home with Winry, sighed and spread her fingertips over her eyes. 

“Don’t _need your help,_ Bastard,” Ed slurred, blinking up at him. “This is my _wife._ Look at my _wife._ Do you see my _wife,_ she’s _beautiful,_ look at her, look at— I’m _fine.”_

Riza smirked into her hand. Winry sighed.

“Is he aware he becomes proportionally more terrifying the drunker he gets?” Roy asked her. 

“ _Fuck you.”_

“I’ve tried to tell him that,” Winry muttered. 

“I’m _not drunk.”_

“Shut up, Ed,” Winry snapped. 

Roy shrugged and spread his hands. “He’s hopeless.”

“Women _love me,”_ Ed said very loudly. 

Roy looked past Winry to Riza and shook his head. “They really don’t. He had a sure thing with this cute little student of his—”

“A _student?”_ Winry shrieked suddenly, lurching to her feet. “Are you trying to get him _fired?”_

Roy waved his hand. “They wouldn’t fire him, he’s the Fullmetal Alchemist, he’s a legend.” 

“Not with a student,” Ed huffed furiously. “Winry, Win...ry. Come on, come _on,_ a student— I’m. I. I wouldn’t do that. Unlike _some_ people I’m integ—I have— integerous.”

Winry glared between Ed and Roy. 

Ed said loudly, “ _Integrity.”_

Roy just held out his hands toward Ed. “Do you see what I’m working with here.”

“I can _flirt,”_ Ed protested. “I can _totally_ flirt, I am— Winry, tell them I’m pretty.” 

For some very strange and unknown reason, Roy felt the strangest heat in his cheeks at that. 

“Of course you’re pretty,” Winry groaned. But at least she was starting to look more amused than annoyed. 

“And I can _flirt,_ tell them, tell him I can— I flirt _good.”_

“Well, _I_ know that—” Winry began. “But. Well, some girls don’t appreciate—”

“And I can do that thing, that thing that makes you—”

“ _Edward.”_

Roy put his face in his hand very briefly.

“I don’t need his help,” he said again, pointing at Roy now. “I… I can. I… I. Um.” 

“You’ll try again?” Winry said quietly, giving Roy a pleading sort of look. 

“Why don’t _you_ help him?” Roy countered. “He’s your husband, and you’ve got the whole… female perspective.” 

“Oh, it’s too weird,” Winry complained. 

“Wait, wait— _wait.”_ Edward said. “Winry. You. When your hair does that thing, it’s doing a thing, it’s a, it’s a pretty thing. That it’s doing.” 

Winry gave Ed a bemused look. 

“And your eyes. They’re like. _So_ blue, did you know that, did you know how blue your eyes are?”

“Is he. Is he trying to flirt?” Roy asked Riza. 

Winry bit her lip. 

“Winry.” Ed looked at her very seriously. “You smell like motor oil.” 

Roy and Riza stared at each other in utter horror. Did he _really think—_ Winry was _terrifying,_ if he kept this up, she was going to _break_ him, how could—

Winry put her hand over her lips and said, “Aw, Ed.”

Riza leapt off the sofa about two full seconds later because Ed lurched across the gap between him and Winry and plied her with a very eager, and— actually— alright, not totally unfortunate kiss that made her squeak a little in surprise before she returned it. She was sober enough to wiggle away a second later, blushing and pushing Ed on the chest. 

“Ed, _stop,”_ she said with a girlish giggle.

Ed looked up at Roy in triumph and said, “Ha _ha!”_

Roy blinked. _Very_ slowly. 

“At least he knows how to do that,” Riza said a little wryly. 

Well. Roy couldn’t say he wasn’t thinking the same thing. Ed was drunk off his ass, but Roy had seen enough of that little kiss to understand what Winry saw him. Maybe. Just a little. 

“That’s clearly not the problem,” Roy said to Riza. 

“You’re goddamn right it’s not,” Ed said blearily.

“I never said _that_ was an issue,” Winry said loudly. “Ed’s—” She cut herself off and blushed. “It’s not a problem, okay.”

“Do you see what you got me into?” Roy asked, whirling on Riza. She gave him _the look_ again and he decided it was probably better not to scold her. “I suppose… we can try one more time. Maybe just the two of us. The men can be... distracting.”

“But _I don’t need—”_

 _“Edward,”_ Winry said. 

Ed finally sat back onto the couch and crossed his arms. “Fuck. Fine. If you. _Really_ think I should, then I guess…”

Winry sighed. Riza sighed. 

Roy groaned silently to himself and wondered if there would ever come a day when the Fullmetal Alchemist _wasn’t_ a complete and utter pain in Roy’s ass. 


End file.
